Dysfunctional Family #Kapoor&Sons

We have all seen them, maybe even have been a part of them. Of course there are extreme forms of dysfunctional families and am not talking about the extreme ones. We have seen it in Dekh Bhai Dekh, or American Tv series Modern Family or for that matter Arrested development.

A family is not complete without some of its members been a “little” over the top. I was inspired to write this post when I remembered about Kapoor and Sons movie. By now you must have understood how much a movie influences my thoughts. Am a huge movie buff but its not just entertainment I take it with me once its done. It’s an experience and good movies have a way to make you feel you were a part of that movie.

With Kapoor and Sons it was like actually been there and silently watching all these characters go through their performances.  It was too good.

kapoor-and-sons-rkThere can be no doubt about the fact that my favourite character remains the grandpa played by Rishi Kapoor – the masterstroke actor.

It was engaging yet felt like we have lived this. We have all had that fight or that talk. The sibling rivalry, parental fights and amid all the chaos finding our calm to enjoy that perfect moment when it does show up.

 

Growing up in such a family has its share of impacts, and whats more is that  we even take it along with us for the rest of our lives. I would say my family does qualify the kind of families I have mentioned above, sans the laughter tracks, Ha!

There are worser kinds where it leaves the kids with traumatic effects such as those depicted in August: Osage County; what a wonderful performance by Meryl Streep and the whole cast! The relationship between Benedict Cumberbatch and his mother is just heart wrenching. The ones Meryl has with her daughters is both disturbing and a bit funny. But its so real and it happens.

So what is family and do we need family? Apparently this institution of family was started because the males wanted to pass on their wealth and intangibles to someone down their line and as a slave prospect started this ‘Familia’ which is nothing like what todays family represent and included household servants.

How many horror stories do we read in the news about how family members kill each other or abuse each other or sabotage each other for wealth or power? In fact every day I read about either a son killing his whole family out of vengeance or a father abusing his daughter. Don’t even start with Domestic Abuse cases. So is this what family is meant for? To control each other so much that you destroy the very thing you have in life?

I don’t think family has a longterm value considering every person starts his own family and the previous ones become obsolete and its an ongoing pattern. I guess its just the way of nature is.

For me, Family is support but I have seen families where they pull each other down, like crabs. Especially Indian families, I think they are afraid and insecure. Don’t go up the ladder cause we didn’t. Family is supposed to encourage everyone part of it to reach their potential but I feel sometimes it is the very family that holds you back.

Am a single child but yet I have been pitched against other kids to compete with for no reason. It always effects you cause you are constantly comparing yourself to others no matter what you have achieved. I think that should be stopped cause everyone is unique and nobody can replace the other. Maybe Family had a disturbing origin but I think its up to us to give it the proper rendition it deserves.

So what are your family quirks? Share your (‘funny’) family experiences!

 

 

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Hindi Medium and The Need to Conform #Movienight


 

Last night hubby and me decided to watch a comedy movie. Having seen most of the movies this year, I was left to wonder which one to watch for tonight. That’s when I remembered we still hadn’t watched Hindi Medium starring Irfan Khan and Saba Qamar.

The story is something like this: Parents want to send their daughter to an ‘elite’ english medium school in order to catch up with other elites in the society. Now I am not part of north India but I have heard they are way too posh and extremely conscious of their image and power. I mean this is the same city where Jessica Lal was murdered.

Coming back to the movie, it is light hearted fun, certainly a bit exaggerated and doesn’t take itself too seriously till the climax when the protagonists begins to sprout consciousness.

It definitely made me wonder what our education system has reached to and the mentality of us Indians. I have always considered English as  a language and nothing more. But maybe due to colonialism we are still stuck in that mode where anything ‘english’ is elite and better.

I have studied in an english medium school where speaking in english was mandatory. We even wore a ‘speak to me in english’ badges on our uniform. I never took it seriously cause I speak three other languages too. I guess it’s pretty common in India to be bi(tri)lingual.

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In those days very few people conversed in english in their daily lives but I have to admit now a days anywhere I go, I see people talking to each other in english like its the ‘cool’ thing to do. Am always trying to decide if I should speak in english or use the state language, something I never felt growing up.

In fact I used to be teased in college for speaking in english cause I am not exactly well versed in Malayalam as the native speakers are and now these very people converse in english like their mother tongue has no value.

It is sad we Indians don’t value our own traditions, heritage and culture or for that matter language. When I see the Chinese attempts to glorify their culture or Germany/France, I feel disappointed that we Indians lack that. We have such an ancient and culturally rich heritage that I don’t think todays kids are even aware of.

Everyone is after the image we are been sold to. Every country has it’s own value and it’s up to them to maintain it. I feel being Hindus we have become so liberal that we don’t even value our own system or take pride in it.

Hindi medium only throws light on the education system which itself needs an over haul but for that to happen we as a society needs to change at its core. We need to amalgamate what’s traditional and modern, use the positive and leave out the negative cause as a country we have such a huge potential and we need to propagate it for our own advantage.

I just wish that we value what we have now and nurture it cause one day when we look back we as a country are going to regret having lost everything that once glorified us. Sometimes I feel we are obsessed with this language, why can’t we show the same to our own language?

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Why not give the same importance to other languages too like french, mandarin or Spanish? or the multiple languages in our own country! Besides knowing two or more languages contributes to a persons intelligence. And to me language is just that –  a tool for communication. In a country like India it is significant where multiple languages are spoken, hence english ironically is the one that unifies us all. But why give it an over the top connotations to it?

Back to the movie, watch it for the fun message it gives and the comic timings of Deepak Dobriyal. He is too good. A perfect weekend movie. I would rate it 3.5/5.

What are your thoughts on the movie and the message it shares?

 

Lipstick Under My Burkha


 

Last night as I was browsing through YouTube, I came across a new trailer of L.U.M.B. I had already seen a previous version few months back and even though I found the story interesting it didn’t really pique my interest.

Nevertheless I was aware of how the movie was getting noticed especially in the film festivals including the news that it may even be the opening movie for the Golden Globes.

The famous “Censor Board” which is the CBFC, whose sole job is to give certification for a movie, also masquerades as the moral brigade in our country for movies. The Central Board’s Film Certifications head, Mr. Pahlaj Nihalani is quiet famous for how he wants to keep the audience away from so called filth in the movies. Clearly it speaks of his own mindset rather than the whole country’s.

He is famously known for cutting a kissing scene in the last Bond movie. And recently for objecting to the word ‘intercourse’ in Srk’s upcoming movie – ‘Jab Harry met Sally’. It is obvious he has a fixed mindset.

Though I find no credibility in his views, including that of preserving Indian Values, the reason am writing this post is for an entirely different reason. The YouTube Comment sections are well known for its own trolls and views.

Check these out:

Majority of the male comments reflect what they think about feminism. Since when did short skirts, smoking, having sex have anything to do with ‘Women Empowerment’. It made me question whether majority of Indians – specially male – as to why they have such distorted versions of feminism.

When I saw the first trailer, yes I thought it was bold and frank but it is what reality is. And the new trailer clearly pokes those questions right in your face.

To make it clear, women empowerment doesn’t mean short skirts, smoking, kissing, having sex on screen or using cuss words and such other myriad views. It is the ability of the women to be themselves just as they are and to be accepted for it nevertheless. Just like men are.

I don’t agree with smoking, drinking, dress choices are based on one’s own sense of fashion and comfort and we watch sex scenes in western movies all the time so what is not ‘sanskaari’ about the same thing here?

Do we not have sex in this country? Is that why we have the second highest population in the world? And what is so wrong in it? it is a natural human thing. what’s so shameful in showing it? These very people have no problem in watching porn in their private life but how can you question it when it is shown on-screen and is performed by Indian women? Do they have no needs and desires?

I loved one of the dialogues shown in this trailer –

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I truly don’t understand what’s so scary about female sexuality. Why can’t you accept that we too have the freedom to express it. We are not just the roles society has forced upon us that of mother, daughter, sister or wife. We can be more than that and we are.

We are so much more than just what’s expected of us. We multitask like there is no tomorrow. Unlike men who are only expected to provide and protect the family, we women are the one’s who are glue to the entire society. Without us, there is no society. Our roles are hence so much more important if not equally.

It is not rocket science. It is not Math. It is a simple social need to be acknowledged. Are men scared of women? If that is the reason you try to repress us then there is no need to fear us. If you laughed at the first question it means men are not scared of women then why the hell do you care what women do with their lives. what’s the need to control it?

Since I haven’t seen the movie I cannot comment on how the movie contributes to the growth of feminism. But for the sake of freedom of expression & creativity and the freedom for women to be portrayed as they are, it is important such dialogues are maintained.

UPDATE: check out: Interview with Anupama Chopra

What are your thoughts on it? Do share!